Focus On What You Can Do, Instead Of What You Can’t Change

“I hate school. Nobody pays attention to me.” A few weeks after my son started Kindergarten, every morning became a protest. I started to explain how making friends would take time. Then, I remembered that I was trying to reason with a four-year-old.

I wanted him to have proof that he mattered, so I gave him a mission which promised a little attention from his peers: wait until storytime when the classroom was quiet, and let out a loud, dramatic yawn, and then watch everyone catch it and start yawning, one by one, like falling dominoes.

The following day after school, he declared his mission a success, including teaching the other kids the contagious trick. To my son, it was magic. One small win with many more to follow. Progress.

Lay The Bricks

If you’re like me, sometimes you feel frustrated when you can’t control what’s happening around you.

But there’s good news.

When it feels as if there’s nothing you can do, do SOMETHING. Each something is a brick paving your road of progress. Seeing progress is a huge motivator, perhaps even more than external motivators, like money. Loyalty reward programs leverage the incentive power of progress. A study at Columbia University indicated that customer buying behaviour changed when they noticed progress: “The closer they were to filling the [loyalty] card, the shorter the average time between coffee purchases”.

Do Something. Anything.

If you’re in a tunnel, even a tiny step forward helps you to gain momentum and moves you closer to the exit. There’s always something you can do. Here are a few of my favourites:

1. Complete a small task. Choose anything you know you can finish quickly like washing the dishes, writing your grocery list, making your bed, or folding the laundry.

2. Practice mindfulness. Do a 3-minute mindfulness exercise like any of the ones in my earlier article.

3. Prove to yourself that you’re not trapped. Go for a walk. Focus on each step. Look back often to see how far you’ve walked.

My son is 18 now and in first-year university. I worry about his online learning experience, tethered to his laptop all day. One morning, I went upstairs to check in on him during class. He lowered his headset and whispered that his professor was 20 minutes late. I could hear laughter and cheers coming from his headset. On his monitor, I could see the students playing Tic Tac Toe on the virtual whiteboard. None of them were griping about having to wait. Instead, they chose to do something fun to pass the time.

Whatever you’re facing, you have the power to do something. Something that shows you that you’re moving forward. Focus on those things.

You got this. Keep going.

💙

(originally published by A Few Words on Medium.com)